What is the first thing I should do if I want a divorce?

 

Deciding to divorce is never easy. Even before the legal process begins, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed, emotional, or unsure of where to start. The good news is, taking the right first steps can make the process smoother and protect your future.

Here’s what you should do first if you’re thinking about divorce.

1. Take Time to Reflect

Before making any big decisions, spend some time thinking about:

·         Why you want a divorce – Are the issues temporary, or have they been ongoing?

·         Your goals – Do you want an amicable split, or will there likely be disputes?

·         Your readiness – Divorce is emotionally and financially demanding. Being clear-headed helps.

💡 Tip: Consider talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or therapist to help process your feelings before taking action.

2. Understand Your State’s Divorce Laws

Divorce laws vary by state, including rules about:

·         Residency requirements

·         Property division

·         Child custody and support

·         Alimony or spousal support

Knowing your state’s rules helps you set realistic expectations. You don’t need to memorize everything, but a basic understanding is important.

3. Assess Your Finances

Divorce often has a big financial impact. Start by:

·         Listing assets and debts – Include bank accounts, retirement funds, mortgages, and credit cards.

·         Tracking income and expenses – Know what you earn and what you spend monthly.

·         Checking your credit – Make sure you understand your financial standing.

💡 Tip: Open a separate bank account if needed. Keep track of important documents, such as tax returns, pay stubs, and insurance policies.

4. Consider Your Living Situation

Ask yourself:

·         Will you continue living in the marital home?

·         Is it safe or practical to live separately?

·         Do you have alternative housing options?

Your first step might involve planning logistics for temporary living arrangements, especially if children are involved.

5. Consult a Divorce Lawyer (Even Before Filing)

Even if you’re not ready to file, a consultation with a divorce lawyer is highly recommended. A lawyer can help you:

·         Understand your rights and obligations

·         Estimate costs and legal fees

·         Plan the best strategy for custody, property, and support

·         Avoid mistakes that could cost you money or time

💡 Tip: Many lawyers offer free initial consultations. Bring financial documents and any questions you have.

6. Plan for Children (If You Have Them)

If you have children, your first step should include thinking about:

·         Custody and visitation arrangements

·         Child support considerations

·         Maintaining stability for your kids

Keep your child’s best interests at the forefront. Avoid arguments in front of them, and document everything related to their care.

7. Avoid Rash Decisions

It’s easy to act on emotion after deciding to divorce, but avoid:

·         Immediately moving out without a plan

·         Making major financial decisions alone

·         Posting personal details online

·         Speaking negatively about your spouse publicly

💡 Tip: Stay calm and focused. Careful planning now can prevent complications later.

Friendly Takeaway

The first thing to do if you want a divorce isn’t filing papers right away — it’s preparing yourself mentally, financially, and legally.

Start by:

1.       Reflecting on your decision

2.       Understanding your state’s divorce laws

3.       Assessing your finances

4.       Planning your living situation

5.       Consulting a divorce lawyer

6.       Thinking about children

7.       Avoiding rash decisions

Taking these first steps can give you confidence, protect your rights, and help you move through the divorce process with less stress.